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Thread: Other Instrument Jokes

  1. Other Instrument Jokes

    Did you hear the one about the two tuba players who walked past the bar?

    Well, it could happen..........

  2. Other Instrument Jokes

    What do you call a Euphonium player with his own business card?

    An Optimist.
    Gregory E. Lopes
    Euphonium player
    US Navy Band Great Lakes
    US Navy Music Program, 2009-Present

    Besson Prestige 2052

  3. #13

    Other Instrument Jokes

    Sam the Clam and Olly the Oyster were the best of friends until, one day, Olly the Oyster died. On his way to Heaven, Olly met Saint Peter at the gate. "Here is your harp," Saint Peter said.

    The following day, Olly went up to St.Peter and said, "I need to go back to earth to say goodbye to my good friend, Sam the Clam."

    "Okay," Saint Peter replied, "but you only have until 11:59PM to get back or you will have to go down to Hell." Olly agreed and off he went.

    When Olly the Oyster went down to earth, he found out that Sam had opened up a dance bar. Olly and Sam partied right up until 11:58PM. Then, Olly the Oyster ran all the way up to Heaven and got there just before Saint Peter closed the gate on him.

    The next day, Olly the Oyster approached Saint Peter and asked him if he could go back to earth.

    "I'm sorry," replied Saint Peter, "but you were there yesterday and I can't allow it. Why?"

    "Well. it's like this, Pete," Olly replied, "I left my harp ... in Sam Clam's disco."

  4. #14

    Other Instrument Jokes

    Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
    A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.

    Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
    A: They're all dead

  5. Other Instrument Jokes

    What do you call a drummer who broke up with his girlfriend? ..................................Homeless
    How do you make a drummer's car go faster?............Remove the pizza delivery sign from the roof.

  6. Other Instrument Jokes

    The orchestra was rehearsing the 9th symphony. During the last movement the Bass players had quite a long break. They decided during the performance to sneak out the back door and around the corner to the tavern. The night of the concert came and as planned the bass players snuck out to the bar. One of the bass players asked the lead what happens if they are late getting back? Not to worry he replied, "I tied a piece of string to the corner of the conductors score so he will have to slow down to untie it" Upon hearing this they imbibed, some more than others and two of the bass players passed it was the bottom of the ninth,the score was tied, the basses were loaded, and two men were out.

  7. Other Instrument Jokes

    I have seen that one where the conductor knocks the score off the stand, and realizes that there it is, the bottom of the 9th, no score, and the basses are loaded. As an umpire and a tuba player, I really like that one.

  8. Other Instrument Jokes

    This should go in EVERY concert program.........

    Commandments for Concert Goers:

    Thou shalt hearken unto the music with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and all thy mind, to aid thee in thine endeavor. Study thou thy program notes and hereby be sore fully prepared to garner the blessings of the inspired melodies which are about to be sounded.

    Thou shalt not arrive late, for the stir of thy coming disturbeth those who did come in due season; neither shalt thou rush forth as a great wind at intermission time or before the end of the program; nor shalt thou trample to thy left nor thy right the ushers or the doormen or the multitudes that are about thee.

    Thou shalt keep in check thy coughings and thy sneezings for they are an abomination, and they shall bring forth evil execrations upon thee and thy household, even unto the third and fourth generations.

    Thou shalt not rustle thy program for the noise thereof is not as the murmur of the leaves of the forest but brash and raucous and soothest not.

    Thou shalt not "yahoo" unto thy relatives, nor to thy friends, nor to any member of thy lodge or of thy household, nor to any of thy neighbors.

    Thou shalt not whisper, for thy mouthings, howsoever hushed they may be, bring discord to the ear of those who sit about thee.

    Thou shalt not chew gum with great show of sound or motion. Remember that thou art not as the kind of the meadow who do chew the cud in the pastoral serenity which is vouchsafed them.

    Thou shalt not direct thy index finger at persons of public note and say unto thy neighbor, "Yonder goeth so and so," but reflect that some day thou shalt perchance be a celebrity, and thou shalt be in great discomfort when thou art pointed at and thou shalt not be pleased one jot or tittle thereby.

    Thou shalt not slumber, for in thy stupor thou hast ears and heareth not; peradventures thou possesseth a rumbling obligato when thou sleepeth, and verily, the rabble may be aroused thereby to do thee grievous harm.

    Thou shalt not become a self-ordained music critic and with booming voice comment garrulously about the players or the playing; neither shalt thou hum, or tap thy foot; for thou hast come as a listener and a lover of music, not as a critic nor as a performer, and remember that none among the multitudes has paid admission to hear thy hummings or thy tapings or to listen unto thine opinion.

  9. Other Instrument Jokes

    How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?

    1. "One, two, three, one, two, three..."
    2. "Hey man, I just do sound."
    3. One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

  10. Other Instrument Jokes

    Ok, you're lost in the woods and you see 3 people, a good flute player, a bad flute player, and the tooth fairy. Who do you ask for help?
    The bad flute player, the other two are figments of your imagination.

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