Other Instrument Jokes

[davewerden]

Please share any good (clean) jokes you know about other instruments. (Tuba or Euphonium jokes have their own topics.)

[davewerden]

Other Instrument Jokes

VIOLA:
I'll start the topic with my favorite viola joke.

Question: How do you get a viola player to play a measure of 16th notes at pianissimo?

Answer: You write a whole note and put "solo" over it.

[RickF]

Other Instrument Jokes

How many band conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
We're not sure. No one ever watches the conductor.

[dozytubaplayer]

Other Instrument Jokes

Q: What do you call 2 viola players playing in unison?

A: A diminished 2nd

[RickF]

Other Instrument Jokes

What do you get when you mix a diminished chord with an augmented chord?
.
.
.
.
.
a demented chord.

[Smitty]

Other Instrument Jokes

Great Jokes-- especially about the Viola solo... I have known people like that, LOL!!

Smitty

[lowerbrass]

Other Instrument Jokes

The orchestra conductor had become ill just 15 minutes before the concert was to begin. The manager asked around if anybody could conduct the evening's program and was delighted when the second cellist volunteered. The cellist knew all the works and didnt need a score for Brahms' third. At the end of the concert the orchestra was pleased, the manager was pleased and they ended up asking the cellist to conduct for the next three weeks while the regular maestro recuperated from an emergency appendectomy. The three weeks went by quickly and soon the maestro was back on the podium. When the second cellist took his customary seat beside the violas Sam, the principal violist, leaned over to him and asked, "where the hell have YOU been for the last three weeks?"

[BoozeyandHawkish]

Other Instrument Jokes

So this jazz musician dies and finds himself being led by a demon down a tunnel into Hell. The door to Hell has a small window in it revealing a smoke-filled room, and as they enter, the musician realizes Hell is a jazz club. The demon points to an empty table, and they sit as the musicians are just coming out to get ready for the first set. The band is Charlie Parker on alto, John Coltrane on tenor, Miles Davis on trumpet, Jaco Pastorius on bass, Bud Powell on piano, and Art Blakey on drums.

"What's so bad about this?!?" the newly deceased musicians blurts out in disbelief.

"Well, Satan has this girlfriend," the demon says. "And she sings a little."

[BoozeyandHawkish]

Other Instrument Jokes

These western vacationers find themselves on safari in the deepest, darkest jungle in Africa. They gradually become aware of the rumble of drums somewhere off in the distance.

Noticing their worried expressions, their seasoned African guide tells them, "It's okay. It is only bad when the drums stop."

Venturing further into the dense forest, their sense of foreboding returns as the incessant, ominous pounding grows louder and louder. "It is only bad when the drums stop," their guide reassures them. They press on.

As they round the bend at the base of a great mountain, the drums, much closer now, rise to a tremendous crescendo, then abruptly stop.

"Oh, no!" the guide screams, "Bass solo!"

[GregEuphonium]

Other Instrument Jokes

how do you get two oboe players two play in tune? shoot one of them in the head.

[suetuba]

Other Instrument Jokes

Did you hear the one about the two tuba players who walked past the bar?


Well, it could happen..........

[GregEuphonium]

Other Instrument Jokes

What do you call a Euphonium player with his own business card?

An Optimist.

[mclaugh]

Other Instrument Jokes

Sam the Clam and Olly the Oyster were the best of friends until, one day, Olly the Oyster died. On his way to Heaven, Olly met Saint Peter at the gate. "Here is your harp," Saint Peter said.

The following day, Olly went up to St.Peter and said, "I need to go back to earth to say goodbye to my good friend, Sam the Clam."

"Okay," Saint Peter replied, "but you only have until 11:59PM to get back or you will have to go down to Hell." Olly agreed and off he went.

When Olly the Oyster went down to earth, he found out that Sam had opened up a dance bar. Olly and Sam partied right up until 11:58PM. Then, Olly the Oyster ran all the way up to Heaven and got there just before Saint Peter closed the gate on him.

The next day, Olly the Oyster approached Saint Peter and asked him if he could go back to earth.

"I'm sorry," replied Saint Peter, "but you were there yesterday and I can't allow it. Why?"

"Well. it's like this, Pete," Olly replied, "I left my harp ... in Sam Clam's disco."

[mclaugh]

Other Instrument Jokes

Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.

Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
A: They're all dead

[jackofalltrades]

Other Instrument Jokes

What do you call a drummer who broke up with his girlfriend? ..................................Homeless
How do you make a drummer's car go faster?............Remove the pizza delivery sign from the roof.