Other Instrument Jokes

[jackofalltrades]

Other Instrument Jokes

The orchestra was rehearsing the 9th symphony. During the last movement the Bass players had quite a long break. They decided during the performance to sneak out the back door and around the corner to the tavern. The night of the concert came and as planned the bass players snuck out to the bar. One of the bass players asked the lead what happens if they are late getting back? Not to worry he replied, "I tied a piece of string to the corner of the conductors score so he will have to slow down to untie it" Upon hearing this they imbibed, some more than others and two of the bass players passed out..................................so it was the bottom of the ninth,the score was tied, the basses were loaded, and two men were out.

[bearphonium]

Other Instrument Jokes

I have seen that one where the conductor knocks the score off the stand, and realizes that there it is, the bottom of the 9th, no score, and the basses are loaded. As an umpire and a tuba player, I really like that one.

[jackofalltrades]

Other Instrument Jokes

This should go in EVERY concert program.........

Commandments for Concert Goers:

I
Thou shalt hearken unto the music with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and all thy mind, to aid thee in thine endeavor. Study thou thy program notes and hereby be sore fully prepared to garner the blessings of the inspired melodies which are about to be sounded.

II
Thou shalt not arrive late, for the stir of thy coming disturbeth those who did come in due season; neither shalt thou rush forth as a great wind at intermission time or before the end of the program; nor shalt thou trample to thy left nor thy right the ushers or the doormen or the multitudes that are about thee.

III
Thou shalt keep in check thy coughings and thy sneezings for they are an abomination, and they shall bring forth evil execrations upon thee and thy household, even unto the third and fourth generations.

IV
Thou shalt not rustle thy program for the noise thereof is not as the murmur of the leaves of the forest but brash and raucous and soothest not.

V
Thou shalt not "yahoo" unto thy relatives, nor to thy friends, nor to any member of thy lodge or of thy household, nor to any of thy neighbors.

VI
Thou shalt not whisper, for thy mouthings, howsoever hushed they may be, bring discord to the ear of those who sit about thee.

VII
Thou shalt not chew gum with great show of sound or motion. Remember that thou art not as the kind of the meadow who do chew the cud in the pastoral serenity which is vouchsafed them.

VIII
Thou shalt not direct thy index finger at persons of public note and say unto thy neighbor, "Yonder goeth so and so," but reflect that some day thou shalt perchance be a celebrity, and thou shalt be in great discomfort when thou art pointed at and thou shalt not be pleased one jot or tittle thereby.

IX
Thou shalt not slumber, for in thy stupor thou hast ears and heareth not; peradventures thou possesseth a rumbling obligato when thou sleepeth, and verily, the rabble may be aroused thereby to do thee grievous harm.

X
Thou shalt not become a self-ordained music critic and with booming voice comment garrulously about the players or the playing; neither shalt thou hum, or tap thy foot; for thou hast come as a listener and a lover of music, not as a critic nor as a performer, and remember that none among the multitudes has paid admission to hear thy hummings or thy tapings or to listen unto thine opinion.

[jackofalltrades]

Other Instrument Jokes

How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb?

1. "One, two, three, one, two, three..."
2. "Hey man, I just do sound."
3. One. Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

[redvsblue]

Other Instrument Jokes

Ok, you're lost in the woods and you see 3 people, a good flute player, a bad flute player, and the tooth fairy. Who do you ask for help?
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The bad flute player, the other two are figments of your imagination.

[redvsblue]

Other Instrument Jokes

How can you tell if the stage is level?
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It's level only if the drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

(the following applies to my school, I don't know if it does to yours)
The end of the world has come. Where are the band people?
Flutes- still trying to get in tune
Clarinets- still looking for the mythical "perfect" reed
Oboes- who knows?
Bassoons- making retarded noises with there reeds
Saxes- jazz jam session in jamaica
French horns- complaining how they never get a good part
Trumpets- there heads are exploding because they are trying to see who can hit the highest note
Trombones- making stupid jokes about their "Boners"
Euphoniums- laughing at everyone else acting stupid
Tubas- we're not looking that hard
Percussion- drumming on shrapnel

[redvsblue]

Other Instrument Jokes

What is the best way for tenor sax players play?
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ten-or twenty miles away

[redvsblue]

Other Instrument Jokes

Jeez, I know a million of them...

What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
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bassoons burn longer.
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Why is the french horn a divine instrument?
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when man blows in it, only god knows what comes out.
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Why were flutes invented?
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To hit the person to your right
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What's the definition of a half step?
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Two oboes playing in unison
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There is a group of 6th grade flute players, and they are in a competition to who can get the highest note.
"look guys, I can play a high A" (screeeeeeech!)
"well I can get to high B" (screeeech any glass nearby busts)
"I can play piccolo!" (panic ensues)
"Nooooo! DON'T DO IT!"
"PUT IT AWAY!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

[redvsblue]

Other Instrument Jokes

A good thing to look at is: http://www.angelfire.com/band/laughs/weapons.html

[redvsblue]

Other Instrument Jokes

I just realized that most of you will already know these jokes. Also, a few of my jokes aren't that funny (french horn joke).

[WaltTrombone]

Other Instrument Jokes

How are a saxophone and a guillotine simular?

1. They are both lethal.
2. They are both always sharp.
3. They both work best when dropped from high places.

[mclaugh]

Other Instrument Jokes

Why do bagpipers march while playing?

To get away from the gawd-awful racket!

------

What's the difference between an onion and an oboe?

No one cries when you chop up an oboe.

[scapino]

Other Instrument Jokes

with a mexican accent

MY MOTHER SHE WORK IN CALIFORNIA, BUT SHE CAN'T WORK NO MORE. SHE LEFT HER HARP IN SAN FRANCISCO

[noise]

Other Instrument Jokes

Hi everyone, I'm new on the forums, thought I'd share one or two...

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?
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A rock musician plays 3 chords for 10,000 people. A jazz musician plays 10,000 chords for 3 people.

[Kurfie549]

Other Instrument Jokes

your chold comes up to you and says they want to play an instrument, so you buy them a euphonium. after realizing they have no hope of playing euphonium you get them a trumpet and say here, now you're a trumpet player. when they fail at this you buy them a clarinet you say, here this a clarinet, its a woodwind, yuo cant possibly fail. when they fail yet again, now broke from all your purchases you grab the first two sticks you can find in your yard and hand them that and say your a drummer.









if they fail ath this as well what do you do?









take away a stick and tell them they are a conductor